Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
