Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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