Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
