She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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