Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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