I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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