My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
