And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
