John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry about my life...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
