I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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