I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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