I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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