I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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