So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
