I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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