i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
