The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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