He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
