you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
