In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
