I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
