So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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