I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
