ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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