YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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