carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
