she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
