I am spending my child support on dildos
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
