well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
