I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
