ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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