I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
