so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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