He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
