Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
