It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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