She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
