singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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