"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
