I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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