Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
