how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
