When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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