Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
