I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
