Are we in a gay sports bar?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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