Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
