An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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