i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
