it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
