Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
