I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
