i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
