the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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