I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize