A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My hand turned me down
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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