you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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