I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
