they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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