If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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