somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
